It’s been one of those weekends. You know the ones where you drink so much alcohol you’re sober again by the time you’re done, and you smoke so much pot you don’t care? But no matter how drunk or stoned you get, you never stop hurting. And then once it’s all said and done, you feel even worse because you couldn’t just forget about it all for just one weekend.

I feel like shit. I’m somehow still stoned, and not in a good way. Everything is getting closer and hotter and they’re all telling me it will be okay, just relax. But they’re not real. They’re only in my head but they’re so loud. I want to believe them and feel safe, but who could feel safe in this brain of mine? To be honest, I don’t know what the hell is going on with me. My mind isn’t my own anymore. It belongs to someone who doesn’t give a shit. Someone who talks to imaginary voices and sees people much the same.

I don’t belong anymore. I used to belong, but now I just go through life with no real purpose. I think one of the main reasons I want to die is because I don’t want the responsibilities that come with life. I don’t want to let everyone down. I have no motivation to do anything or become anyone great. So I don’t want to just cruise through failing at everything. I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to be any person. I don’t want to be here.

I feel like I’m back to square one, with no way out. I’m stuck in the this fucking rut and the worst part is that I’m so used to it now that it feels almost comforting to be in this little hole on my own, with nothing to worry about besides my impending doom.